Hurry up and wait...story of my life!

So I had my second interview with the hospice today. Yes, they want me. Currently, they only have a prn position open. This creates an issue...well, a few:

Issue 1: I'm in the middle of a divorce. A prn position will not allow me to create a new life. This means I need to get another prn position.

Issue 2: You can't get a prn hospital position as a new grad. They need 6 months at least of seeing you on the floor before you can move to prn. This means I need to get a full time job.

Issue 3: I'm 46. I don't have the energy of a 25 year old. How will I manage a full time job AND a prn position?

Issue 4: Our area hospitals require a 1 year agreement when hiring you full time. What happens if I take a full time job, only to have one open at the hospice?

I have no idea what I'm going to do. So for today, I'm going to count my blessings in getting the prn job, put in the training hours between now and graduation (as a volunteer and CNA...I'm not practicing without a license but will be training by observation with RNs), and take each day as it comes, trusting that the right opportunity is just waiting for me to take it.

Divorce is painful but there are still so many blessings to count!

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

So now that this song is stuck maddeningly in your head, let me explain. Yesterday we had Easter lunch at my stepsons' mom's house, as usual. Our family situation has always been unique. I get along great with my husband's ex and all four of us have more or less coparented the kids for 11 years with very few blips. I think that's quite a feat! So yesterday it was the usual gang: Me, the husband, his mom, the kids' mom, her mother, her husband's mom, her aunt and uncle and the kids. And I realized as she was praying over lunch that this was my last holiday meal as a member of this family. That realization brought many conflicting feelings along with it. Luckily I didn't do anything stupid like burst into tears, tear into my husband and his mother or anything like that. I just got a little teary and have tried to process all of the feelings since then. I'm still sorting them out. Sadness and hurt of course, anger...quite a bit of that actually, some fear, some relief and an abundance of love. I know it won't be my last holiday with everyone but it will be as a member of their family. But it's time to start looking forward.

In 39 days, I'll be a nurse! I can hardly believe it. I have a second interview with a hospice tomorrow but she said something about "hitting the ground running" when I have my GN so I'm hoping that's akin to a job offer! We'll see. A lot of things need to happen between now and settling somewhere on my own but in 3-4 months I should have a brand new life. Exciting and incredibly sad at the same time. Hope everyone had a lovely holiday...and sorry about the song! =)

Fun week!

Okay, okay, so I've been seriously slack blogging but honestly, life has been blissfully calm (albeit busy) as of late. Spring break offered up some much needed sleep and wine. This has been my first week back and I've flipped clinicals from MedSurg3 to Pediactrics. Our Pedi instructor is not the most organized person on the planet and our clinicals are all over the place. I had one on Monday and then another today. Monday was at a pediatric orphanage of sorts where developmentally or physically (or both) children live whose parents won't/can't care for them. Sad place but at least someone is watching out for them. I had a 5 year old little girl who physically looked/weighed in at about 3 years old and was developmentally about 4 months old. Blind, on a vent and full code. FULL CODE. Her parents are in jail and her grandmother never comes to see her. And she's full code. Don't even get me started. But she was precious. I wanted to take her home myself! Today was much more fun. I got to be a school nurse for about 600 4th and 5th graders today. What a blast!! I sure wish it paid better because it was a blast being around all of those kids!

All is quiet in divorce-ville. As long as we don't talk about our relationship or his mother, we coexist well. This is good since we have to until about July.

Nothing new on the job front. I was hoping to hear back from the hospice by now but no long. BUT, my old clinical instructor from Level 1 gave me another hospice lead this week. How sweet is she?? So hopefully something will work out in the next 49 days. YES, I SAID 49 DAYS!!! I'm so ready. A brand new life at 46. Not what I planned but why the hell not? =)

Pay it forward...

Well, I'm kind of speechless today. It's been a big week! With everything that's been going down the toilet for years and my marriage finally ending for real, some sun broke through this week. I was able to meet with our local hospice about coming on as a new graduate. She's going to call me next week about when I can start to shadow the RNs BEFORE I graduate so I can hit the ground running after. No "official" job offer but it sure sounds promising!  AND...a girl with whom I grew up in the same neighborhood lives in the Florida Keys and we've been talking for the last year or so via Facebook IM. Chip and I had planned to go to the Keys as a graduation present and I wanted to meet up with her while we were there. Well, with the divorce, not only are we not going together but there was no way I could afford to go. So this absolute ANGEL buys me tickets to her place and they just appear in my email! How crazy is that? While we have been talking and connecting a lot, I haven't laid eyes on her since 1985...yes, that's 85. So I don't know if this is some crazy karma that's coming my way from the countless sacrifices over the last 10 years or from opening my home to a girl I worked with but didn't know, and her 4 year old daughter, while she was going through a divorce back in 2000 or if it's just a gift from God or what. Regardless, I need to look for ways to pay this forward. The generosity of the gesture moves me (and quite frankly, makes me a little uncomfortable) but I'm going to try and just be gracious, say thank you and enjoy the trip! Unexpected kindness can change someone's life. Let's all go change someone's life! =)

Been awhile...some big decisions

So I haven't posted in awhile which isn't good, I know. When my personal life tanks, I tend to isolate and I know that's not good either. It has been a really rough few weeks but I'm hoping things are turning around.

First things first...definitely on the divorce track. And this time I'm more than fine with it. I'm ready to be done with all this bullshit. Seriously, it's been a long and difficult 10+ years and I found out some things I just knew I could not recover from so there you have it. I graduate in 62 days, hopefully with a job in hand so I'm praying to be out of here by August at the latest. I didn't think I would want to start over at this point in my life but honestly, today is my birthday and the 2 people I live with haven't said a word to me and I have zero plans today because my social circle is wrapped up in my marriage so right now I'm pretty isolated. Definitely ready to move on, make some new friends who will appreciate having me in their lives and find some peace and happiness. It's a new season.

And for some GREAT news....I have a "soft" interview for my dream job on Monday. I found out the hospice I've been volunteering for does hire new grads ("as long as they're not 12"...direct quote, lol) and they want to meet with me. I'm so excited I can hardly hold still!!!!  Send up some prayers/juju/whatever my way please!

My wonderful parents are giving me one of their cars so I can leave our van with the spouse and get my half out of it since it's paid off. This will be a huge advantage in helping me get out of here. Yes, at 45 (oops, 46 today!) it's a little humiliating to have your parents give you a car but I need all the help I can get right now so I'll take it. They are so amazing. God has been good to me where family is concerned for sure!

So...hope all of you out there are doing great and you haven't forgotten about me. Seeing some light at the end of the tunnel and decided to come out from under my rock. It's a new day!!

Scalpel, please...

I just found out I get to go to the OR for my make up clinical! I'm pretty excited about that. All of my classmates got an OR rotation in L2 and/or L3 but I never managed to get one so this is pretty cool. I don't think surgical nursing is for me but I'm excited about seeing some surgeries. In case I've never mentioned it, NurseLily + sterile environment = disaster. Hopefully I can manage for 8 hours if I stand perfectly still and intermittently hold my breath. Note to self: do NOT pass out like a nursing student goober!

It's the little things...

So during this level, our clinicals have been your traditional 12-hour shift, complete with paperwork on all patients. We're there to get report at 0645 and don't leave until we give report to the night shift. In prior levels, we always leave early on our last clinical rotation. I assumed that since we're report-to-report now, that wouldn't be the case. I was so happy to find out this afternoon that not only do we not have to do ANY paperwork for our last MedSurg clinical tomorrow but we will, in fact, be leaving early. It's amazing how something so small can make your ENTIRE day! So tomorrow is my last "official" Medsurg clinical ever before graduating, though technically I have a make-up clinical next week to make up for my eye drama last week (see "The Alien has Landed"). Then SPRING BREAK and on to Pedi which is a nice quiet way to finish the program. 73 days...9 more Mondays.