Friday, February 15, 2013

At long last!

This week I finally had my ED rotation - the one I've been waiting two years for! It was so great to see everyone again and the day was great. It felt just like coming home in a way. I was hoping to grab the nursing director for a few minutes but she left before I had time to get to her. However, I've sent her an email and she has agreed to meet with me which is really positive. Not getting an externship in that department has really hurt my chances of getting hired there but I felt more at home in that department than in any other rotation I've done to date. It wasn't as crazy as usual. Don't get me wrong, I was constantly busy but there was only anywhere from 8-15 in waiting which is practically dead (unless you're the poor soul out there waiting 3-4 hrs). Saw some neat stuff but not one trauma on shift which is good for Joe Q. Public but not as exciting for me.

On the home front, I'm in quite the pickle. We are still $2,000 in the hole and still no idea where my next week's tuition payment will come from. So it looks like I will need to make the dreaded call to family this afternoon. At 45 years old, this is absolutely humiliating but they'll kill me if I don't graduate over something like that at this point. If you're so inclined, keep me in your prayers. With 84 days to go, this is not the time for everything to go to shit, lol.

Monday, February 11, 2013

Decisions, decisions...

Well, the time is coming where I have to make some pretty major decisions and it's a little overwhelming. It's time to start putting some feelers out for a job. Which requires picking a specialty. I have always wanted to end up as a hospice nurse but it was my understanding that I need a few years under my belt first. So I've been trying  to pick a secondary specialty. I would love to be back in the ER but I would like to be in a Level 2 trauma center (vs. Level 3). I have 2 within driving distance but will have a hard time getting into either (they both hire almost exclusively from their externship pool and I was unable to extern at either hospital). I really liked critical care also and probably have a better shot getting into this area though it's my third choice. I've decided to go ahead and at least TRY to get into hospice directly after graduation.  There are two hospices in my area that I would be willing to work in. I have volunteer background with one of them and maybe that will give me an edge. So today I sent a couple of emails and made a few phone calls. We'll see how it goes.

Then there's the marriage. I absolutely need to start making some decisions here. Things are going very well between us but we had an argument a couple of weeks ago and while it's clear that he loves me and he's trying, it's also just as clear that he doesn't begin to know who I am. He has come to some conclusions in his own head about who he THINKS I am and lives by those. And  I don't think I want to be married to someone who refuses to consider that what he believes about me is wrong. Why wouldn't your spouse want to believe the best about you? I get that this makes him less of a bad guy in all of this but I'm not willing to take that hit anymore. On the other hand, he's met my list of demands since coming home. And I love him. And we've got 10.5 years in this. And I think once I graduate, we might have a real shot. We've lived with his mom for 8 years and that's been a nightmare all its own. My number one priority after getting a job is moving out of here. It's been horribly destructive to our marriage and I'm done living out of a 12x12 bedroom. At 45, I want my own home again. So what I'm considering is a legal separation and a move. That way, he can decide whether he wants to get his mom settled someplace and join me or not, which will tell me everything I need to know.

Still, it's a little overwhelming to think about everything to be decided in the next 88 days. Jesus definitely needs to take THIS wheel, lol!!