Saturday, January 5, 2013

Home again...

Slackblogging again, I know. Well, after months and months of "I don't know", I came back expecting an answer. Well, expecting a divorce actually. But there's just more "I don't know". And for the first time, that's actually okay with me because I don't know anymore either. And I have way too much to focus on to let this situation continue to drain my emotional energy. My time home with my family was very good for me. Helped remind me who I am, made me stronger. I thank God daily for them. So now I know I'm strong enough to get through whatever comes my way. He's been pondering things since meeting with his counselor yesterday morning and wants to talk again tomorrow.  We'll see. I feel bound to the promises I made to him and I'm willing to go forward. But I'm not willing to be yanked around. So, my mental energies are going elsewhere for now.

On a good note, I received several emails last night from our automated school scheduling system and my MedSurg 3 schedule looks great. I'm at my favorite hospital and am in the ICU, SICU, ER and one other floor I'm happy with. The schedule itself is brutal 2 days of the week for the first 7 weeks and then I'm off MedSurg and on to Pedi. And then GRADUATION!! I have one week of break left. Time to do some review. Ready to be done with school and with this phase of my life in general.

Still doing a lot of reading/dreaming about the AT...something else to look forward to. I was driving through the mountains on the way home and thought about how beautiful it will be to hike it instead of driving it.  I've been contemplated starting some 2-3 day hikes this year. But I have ZERO gear and gear is expensive. So is school. So it will have to wait. Another reason to get this school phase over. Girl needs some cash!

Thanks to those of you who have given me a read and sent some juju my way. Much appreciated (even if you haven't actually taken the time to comment, a-HEM). Peace...

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

So today I was on the road at 4am and made it from St Paul to Little Rock, which means I only have 4 hours tomorrow. I miss my family already and am anxious about tomorrow. In all likelihood, in 24 hours, I will be on the way to divorce #2. (#1 doesn't count, lol...my 23 year old husband discovered he was gay...what can you do with THAT?). Still...this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. I waited so long for him. He was supposed to be my partner for the rest of my life. Major bummer. On the upside, school is about to start back and less than 4 months until graduation...yay, me! (yes, I'm an ellipses freak...deal) And I can start making 4 years worth of equipment/gear/stops lists, lists, lists for the AT in 2017. Trying not to use busy-ness to avoid though. Reading lots of mindfulness stuff lately. Maybe I won't make the same mistakes in the future if I'm more present in the present. Emotional pain is not pain. Simply a sensation to be embraced and learned from. Yeah...not there yet. But I'm working on it. Presently, I'm very in the present, enjoying my present Immortal Zin. Not bad... Prayers, juju, vibes my way tomorrow if you are so inclined. p.s. I know "lots" is not a real word.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Today's Smile...

Yesterday I was having serious technical difficulties posting from my phone. Blogger kept telling me to download Google+ in order to post pictures. I already HAVE Google+ on my phone. I tried everything and finally gave up. So no post yesterday. I have decided to post yesterday's post today. I know, I know, only two posts in and I'm already lazy. On the Appalachian Trail, this can be referred to as slackpacking. So I guess today I am slackblogging. Deal with it. Last night's post, enjoy...and no heckling from the peanut gallery! Assuming someone is actually reading.

"I meant for today's post to be more lengthy but this made my day. My niece, whom I adore,  decided  she needed dreds to go with today's Packer game (not a WORD, people!). I showed her how to finger crochet and I did the assembly. The pose is quintessential Madigan. Who has time to dwell on a failing marriage or stress about nursing school with that FACE? Ugh, LOVE her!"